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SHANE + HARRY POTTER = L.P.? The curly-haired out lesbian rock...

SHANE + HARRY POTTER = L.P.? The curly-haired out lesbian rocker known as L.P. has just released the video for her song "Good With You," which will appear on her upcoming new album (release date TBA). The song is an angsty power ballad that falls somewhere on the line between a breakup and a makeup — which means it's perfect for lesbians everywhere! The video features L.P. changing into a series of outfits from hip-hop bling to a Sgt. Pepper-like uniform, accented with a lightning bolt drawn over one eye. When I first saw the video I had to blink a few times because L.P. seemed to seriously be channeling The L Word's Shane ... until that lightning bolt turned up, and I had cross-genre confusion! Watch the video here: On second thought, maybe L.P. is trying to channel the band Kiss. Or a mime. Oh, and in case you didn't know, L.P.'s song "Wasted" will once again be the theme song for the last season (&*$&%!!) of South of Nowhere, which returns to The N this September. —

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISSY Bisexual Australian singer/songwrite...

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISSY Bisexual Australian singer/songwriter Missy Higgins will be on the Fine Living Network's new series It's Easy Being Green this Saturday, July 5, at 2:30 p.m. PT. She will be discussing her green tour travels with hostess Renee Loux. Missy is also an advocate for the Sierra Club's 2 percent initiative, which "which seeks an 80 percent cut in carbon emissions by 2050, or 2 percent a year." The musician recorded a PSA for the organization, as did William Shatner. Missy's is better, especially because of that accent. (Don't you just love how she says "ca-hs?") Also, as of press time, her music career is going way better than Shatner's. ALANIS GETS STERN ABOUT HER BISEXUAL PAST Musician Alanis Morissette recently went on The Howard Stern Show recently to promote her new album, and was (of course) prodded to discuss her past sexual experiences — including those involving the fairer sex. Alanis said she "experimented" in her teens and 20s with "lesbianism" and that it wasn't an "intellectualized process for her." Alanis: It's a self-defining thing. Stern: You say you're not attracted to women anymore? Alanis: Yeah I'm pretty heterosexual ... It was just kind of a go-with-it thing, explore, you know, sort of experience — I'm an experience junkie. So I like to experience everything and then step back and go, “Does that work for me?” I like to connect with people. So … Women like to have sort of connection, some kind of intimacy. Stern: But where does Alanis Morissette find her women? Alanis: Women are everywhere. Stern: Yeah, where are you, a knitting club? Is it a fellow musician? How does this come about? Do you go to a club? Do you dance? What happens? I know you like to dance. Alanis: I love to dance. The interview continued with Stern trying to get dirty details out of Alanis and where she "found her women" and if she is now more hetero because there wasn't anyone there to "finish the job." (Has he been listening to Usher?) Stern certainly is a class act, but Alanis eventually steered him back to the topic at hand (her music) and launched into a song (about a dude). I would say that's ironic, but I'm not sure if that's the proper definition of the word. BUT WHAT WOULD THE DONALD SAY? New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams reported this week that Rosie O'Donnell was splitting up with long-time partner Kelli Carpenter. Adams also wrote, "Whatever other difficulties such a breakup might cause, there is also a houseful of adopted kids they're raising." In response, Rosie jokingly wrote to credible reporter Perez Hilton: cindy adams and i r having a full blown affair. she is a lesbian. The 90-year-old columnist might have her facts wrong, but I don't think we should give Rosie free reign to call her gay. No self-respecting lesbian would ever wear the get-ups this broad does. —

AN EMBARRASSMENT OF CELESBIAN RICHES Last week, stars from The ...

AN EMBARRASSMENT OF CELESBIAN RICHES Last week, stars from The L Word, South of Nowhere, Loving Annabelle, Queer as Folk and Work Out gathered to shoot a public service announcement that will be included on The L Word Season 5 DVD, which is scheduled to be unleashed upon an ill-prepared world on Oct. 21. The Season 5 box set will feature all the show's signature lesbian drama, but will also include a three-minute PSA for the Point Foundation, a scholarship-granting organization benefiting smartypants LGBT students who've experienced real-life drama and financial hardship because they're lesbian or gay. Rose Rollins and Clementine Ford made time to shoot the PSA before heading to Vancouver to film The L Word's last season. Gabrielle Christian and Maeve Quinlan from South of Nowhere were also eager to help. The last time Gabby and Rose were in the same room, Gabby was tied up and Rose was wielding a nine iron.

IF SUPERHEROES WERE LESBIANS, THE COSTUMES WOULD BE MUCH MORE C...

IF SUPERHEROES WERE LESBIANS, THE COSTUMES WOULD BE MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE "America's Finest News Source," The Onion, really out-gayed itself during Pride month by clearing out their archives and reposting every fake gay news story they've ever published. "Where do homosexuals get all their energy?" a bewildered Onion reporter once asked. "I know what you're saying: Brandon, you're just perpetuating the stereotype that homosexuals are superhuman. That is totally not true. All I'm saying is, with their boundless energy and talents, they make us straight people look bad." Furthering the old "gays are superheroes" adage, the news site republished a 1998 article claiming "Area Homosexual Saves Four From Fire." Afterward he was taken to the hospital, where doctors described his condition as "stable but homosexual." In another Onion piece, the civil rights battle took a heated turn in the Washington, D.C., when gays in nation's capital began demanding their right to library cards. And not just the license to borrow books — no, gays want full library card privileges. And that includes the microfiche machine! Lastly, The Onion reported: "Wellesley College Removes Phrase 'Hot All-Girl Action' From School Brochure." Said Celia Holmes, "Henceforth, our college brochures will no longer tout the '24-hour, non-stop lesbo party' aspect of the Wellesley experience." Don't be alarmed: It's a farcical newspaper. Wellesley College will be turning out here editors for years to come, bringing that 24-hour, non-stop lesbo party right to your laptop. YOU CAN TELL SHE'S A LESBIAN PENGUIN BECAUSE SHE'S WEARING A TUX To top off your Pride month experience, here are some of The Daily Show's best gay stories, which were re-featured on their vast online archive. In one of Samantha Bee's most famous segments, "Birds of a Feather," Bee goes to the Central Park Zoo for an interview about same-sex pairings between animals. "It's very, very common in all zoos and in nature to see homosexual behavior," the zoologist tells Bee. "Just because it happens in nature doesn't make it natural!" Bee snaps. After a long pause the zoologist says, "Um, actually by definition I think it does." Another of Samantha Bee's stories featured this month was her conversation with Florida State Representative candidate Ed Heeney, who interviews that his district is under attack by the gay community — an "alien army within." When Heeney tells Bee that he can't even get a decent pool table at a local bar because of all the gay women there, she just nods her head in solemn agreement. "Now you've got a bunch of lesbos lesboing around," she says. "I mean, am I right?" Heeney says he's not homophobic, he's homonausic. Bee closes the interview by saying that spending time with Ed Heeney is enough to make any woman heteronausic. In his most recent story covering the legalization of gay marriage in California, Stewart said, "If any heartless, insulated, myopic grandstander feels that these unions should not take place, let him speak now ... so that I may ridicule him." If public ridicule is the answer, I'm glad Jon Stewart and Samantha Bee are on our side. Read more about "Jon Stewart's Greatest Lesbian Moments" here. — by Stuntdouble

BONJOUR, LESBIAN DREAM COUPLING Imagine a film where Mary-Louis...

BONJOUR, LESBIAN DREAM COUPLING Imagine a film where Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Delpy play lovers. Now imagine a film where Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Delpy play lovers in Paris. Now imagine a film where Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Delpy play lovers in Paris that you wouldn't have to imagine — because it is actually in the works. The film Les Passages, from first-time feature writer-director Donna Vermeer, is currently in pre-production. The synopsis, as posted on the movie's website, says that it follows a New York filmmaker named Catherine as she flees the Big Apple for Paris with her photographer daughter, Claire (not yet cast). There she begins to film an American movie because the City of Light reminds her of the New Jersey suburbs of her youth. I think that's probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said about Paris. In between filming she meets French actress Anna (Delpy), who winds up playing her mother in her movie. Their encounter “sets her life, and heart, on another course.” Hello, swoon. Now, filming hasn't started and this is very much an independent project, so who knows if it will ever really start. But with those stars attached and such potential swoony romanticism ahead, I think we should all use the power of positive thinking and make this dream come true. I'M UNDER YOUR SPELL We've had Nerd Willow, Wicca Willow, Dark Willow and now Naked Willow. Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the ongoing Buffy Season 8 comic book series, announced that everyone's favorite red-haired lesbian witch is going au naturelle in an upcoming issue. According to MTV News: “It'll be tasteful, unless (artist Karl Moline) does it the way I wrote it,” Whedon laughed. Don't assume it's another sex scene with Buffy, but something is about to happen that will rock the Scoobies' world.” Naked Willow and the rocking of worlds? This is exactly why I leave small offerings at my Joss Whedon shrine each and every morning. Genius like this must be worshiped and rewarded. A SNARK AND A HAIRCUT, TWO BITS Out lesbian hairstylist Tabatha Coffey's new reality show Tabatha's Salon Takeover opens for business Aug. 21 on Bravo. Coffey originally appeared on last year's debut season of Bravo reality contest Shear Genius. Her spin-off sounds a bit like the hairstylist's version of Hell's Kitchen, with her whipping unsatisfactory salons into shape. Sharp-tongued, straight-talking Australian native Coffey is known for her acerbic comments and perfect coif. She will tackle salons in the Los Angeles and New York areas, and previews have said she leaves some unsuspecting owners in tears. Wow, a wickedly snarky lesbian with fashion sense and great hair. Take that, flannel and mullets. —

Loving Annabelle's writer-director, Katherine Brooks, and sta...

Loving Annabelle's writer-director, Katherine Brooks, and star Erin Kelly also took time out for the good cause. They have a new movie in the works (coming out this fall) called Waking Madison, co-starring Elisabeth Shue, Taryn Manning and Sarah Roemer as the title character, a woman who suffers from multiple personality disorder. Meanwhile, Jackie Warner and Rebecca Cardon from Work Out represented the reality show genre, while Thea Gill of Queer as Folk fame brought her disarming charm to the set. Usually, you have to go to a planetarium to see that many stars in one room. Shot in one fun-filled day at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, the segment was produced and directed by J.D. Disalvatore, the award-winning producer of Shelter and the very funny short film Gay Propaganda, featuring Cathy DeBuono. J.D. has worked with many talented professionals in her storied career, but for reasons I will never understand, she asked me to write the script. Pizza delivery while writing a third draft: .95. Copies of the script for cast and crew: .75. Being on set with nine talented and beautiful women: Priceless. All photos by Brian Putnam. For more behind-the-scenes photos from the PSA shoot, go to TheSmokingCocktail.com. — by Dara Nai

DWIGHT SCHRUTE: WARRIOR PRINCESS For some reason, the July 4...

DWIGHT SCHRUTE: WARRIOR PRINCESS For some reason, the July 4 issue of Entertainment Weekly is a veritable gold mine of material for this week's BLWE column. If they could keep it up, it would make finding things to write about a heck of a lot easier in a world where lesbian news is sometimes as scarce as a porterhouse at a vegan convention. In the issue, The Office star Rainn Wilson did a photo spread of classic TV roles, including MacGyver, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos, and Xena, because he knows that nothing says dress-up fun like a bra made during the Bronze Age. Rainn reports that he watched Xena because it was "oddly titillating" and, like us, he "kept wanting to see more cleavage." Take a number, Rainn. Note the attention to detail: The only thing missing, aside from Lucy Lawless' innate hotness, are her ice-blue peepers. There can only be one true Xena. Lucy has nothing to worry about. REPORTS OF THEIR DEATHS HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY EXAGGERATED Also in the July 4 issue of Entertainment Weekly, special guest contributor Jodie Foster shared her thoughts on the top "New Classic Near-Death Experiences" in film. Jodie fans can have their own near-death experiences by turning to page 21 and having their hearts stopped by this photo: Maybe it's her degree in literature from Yale coming out, but five of her 10 picks were films based on novels: Fearless, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Last Temptation of Christ, Into the Wild and The Life Before Her Eyes. But can The Last Temptation of Christ truly be categorized as a "near-death" experience? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it a "death-in-an-everlasting-life-kind-of-a-way" experience? To see the list in its entirety, sans awesome Jodie head shot, go here. Not that anyone asked me, but my list (of one) for "Best Character After a Near-Death Experience" goes to Jodie as Erica Bains in The Brave One. Any movie where Jodie replies to the question, "Are you a cop?" with a cool, calm, yet edgy, "You wish," is my kind of movie. — by Dara Nai

WHAT'S BRITISH, GAY AND WHITE ALL OVER? AE reader Pixie let us ...

WHAT'S BRITISH, GAY AND WHITE ALL OVER? AE reader Pixie let us know about the release of The Independent's 2008 Pink List — the year's 100 most influential LGBT people in the U.K. — and there are only 15 women included this year (one less than on the 2007 list). There are no women of color on the list, as far as I can tell (U.K. readers, correct me in the comments if I'm wrong). The most powerful lesbian in the U.K., according to the list, is TV exec Dawn Airey at No. 5; Diva magazine editor Jane Czyzselska and radio and TV presenter Sue Perkins are among the new people on the list. Left to right: Dawn Airey, Jane Czyzselska and Sue Perkins Also on the list? Actresses Fiona Shaw and Saffron Burrows; radio broadcaster Sandi Toksvig; TV presenter Clare Balding; directors Phyllida Lloyd and Deborah Warner; politician Margot James; Shed Productions CEO Eileen Gallagher (look for an interview with her right here on Monday); authors Charlotte Mendelson, Sarah Waters, Stella Duffy and Jeanette Winterson; Treasury minister Angela Eagle; KPMG Director Ashley Steel; and singer Samantha Fox (yes, she of "Naughty Girls Need Love, Too" fame). This year, they've also created shorter lists for "Unsung Heroes" and "Young, Gifted and Gay." The latter includes Lindsay Lohan's "friend" Samantha Ronson, and the former includes snowboarder Jo Chastney (read more about Jo in a 2007 interview with Lovegirls.co.uk). In her professional profile, Chastney says her goal is "to have fun" and "to help progress womens snowboarding." But her response to the question, "Where would you most like to see yourself in the future?" is "On the cover of Playboy." Huh? Interesting choice for an out lesbian snowboarder (and by "interesting," I mean "I hope you were kidding when you said that"). Does she understand the clothing requirement for that job would be very different from her current one? Jo Chastney on the slopes On the other hand, she's far less likely to suffer a concussion doing a Playboy photo shoot than jumping miles into the air on a small, flat piece of wood. Probably. (Have you seen some of the contorted positions they put women in for that magazine?) —

BEHIND EVERY ANTI-LESBIAN COMMENT IS A STRAIGHT MAN SPURNED An ...

BEHIND EVERY ANTI-LESBIAN COMMENT IS A STRAIGHT MAN SPURNED An here reader (thanks Rachel!) tipped us off to 23-year-old openly gay model Jessica Clarke, who starred in the music video for Usher's 2004 platinum and gold song "Burn." Yes, the same Usher who last week said that women were becoming lesbians en masse because there weren't enough men available. The "Burn" video is supposedly about a man who is distraught that his girlfriend left him, but it's much more enjoyable when viewed as a song about Usher lusting after a woman he can't have because she's gay. (According to a ContactMusic.com story, that may not be far from the truth.) Usher's "Burn" with Jessica Clarke Maybe it's not a lack of men that's turning women gay, Usher — maybe it's you! But enough about him, here are a few modeling photos of Jessica: Not sure what she's modeling in this last photo, but I'm not sure it matters, either. In addition to modeling, the 23-year-old Londoner-turned-New Yorker is now a life coach who watches Dexter, House and The L Word, listens to M.I.A., Amy Winehouse and the Indigo Girls, and reads The Beauty Myth, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and The Handmaid's Tale. You can find all this info and more on her her MySpace page, including a "support same-sex marriage" petition and lots of photos of Jessica and her girlfriend Lacey, like this one: Sorry Usher (and readers) — looks like Jessica's definitely off the market! —

YEAH, WELL HETEROSEXUALITY IS ASSOCIATED WITH HIGHER RATES O...

YEAH, WELL HETEROSEXUALITY IS ASSOCIATED WITH HIGHER RATES OF TEEN PREGNANCY AND SEXISM Last Tuesday night on FX's 30 Days, Morgan Spurlock's documentary/reality series in which someone spends a month immersed in a totally different way of life (typically one they disagree with), same-sex parenting was the focus. During the episode, Mormon mom Kati Blackledge, who was adopted herself and is the mother of two adopted children, moves in with gay dads Dennis and Thomas Patrick and their four adopted sons. Kati thinks that kids should only be raised by heterosexual married parents. Obviously, Dennis and Thomas disagree. (Read AfterElton.com's article on the episode here.) Kati (left) and the Patrick family Dennis and Patrick are model parents and seem like just about the nicest gay guys ever. Kati, on the other hand, is a mess of contradictions. She says that her faith dictates that she can never support gay parents, but she also claims she can be friends with them even while she actively works to take away their rights to care for their children. During the course of Kati's stay with the Patricks, she is forced to volunteer for a gay parents' activist group (she grumbles all the way), as well as attend a COLAGE meeting (in which she says she doesn't want kids to be raised by gay/lesbian parents because it makes the kids more likely to be gay). She also socializes at a lesbian moms-and-families picnic, which leads to a lot of tearful processing with a random lesbian mom who seems a bit bemused by Kati's "they're picking on me!" attitude. Periodically throughout the episode, Morgan Spurlock jumps in with some attempts to show different sides to the issue. In one case he visits Pacific Reproductive Services, a lesbian-owned sperm bank in San Francisco, where he learns that he can make hundreds of dollars just doing what he would be doing anyway (don't make me spell it out). In another instance he presents an interview with Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, a conservative, anti-gay organization. Here's what Sprigg says: "Homosexuality is associated with higher rates of sexual promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, and child sexual abuse, and those are all reasons for us to be concerned about placing children into that kind of setting." In response, GLAAD issued a call to action, stating that FX and 30 Days neglected to provide any experts to counter these ludicrous claims. I'm just shocked that good ol' Pete didn't put homicide on the list of homosexual evils. I mean, isn't that what the "hom" part stands for? —

LESBIAN WEREWOLVES WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY Actress Oliv...

LESBIAN WEREWOLVES WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY Actress Olivia Thirlby told New York magazine that the long-awaited Jack and Diane film she was set to star in alongside Juno co-star Ellen Page is stalled in pre-production because of Ellen's career. The two were cast as lesbian werewolf girlfriends, and with Page's role choices in the past, we had high hopes that this project would make us proud. Unfortunately, Ellen is sabotaging the film with her success. Page (left) and Thirlby Thirlby told New York: "I mean, it’s half-animated and nonlinear and Ellen’s in a very high place right now and there’s just too much focus on her and her career for her to be able to go off and do some super-experimental flick." Last year, reports surfaced that the film lacked financing and that Page was attempting to rally support for it so that it could get made. Of course, this was before she was nominated for an Oscar. At any rate, where's Power Up when you need them? A LESBIAN COUPLE NOT GETTING MARRIED IN THE NEAR FUTURE Cynthia Nixon told the New York Daily News this week that she will not be taking a trip to California anytime soon — at least not to marry her girlfriend Christine Marinoni. Like a true New Yorker, she said she plans on staying put and waiting for her own state to recognize gay marriage: "In an ideal world, we'd like to in New York, when it becomes legalized. Hopefully it won't take 20 years." Hopefully Cynthia isn't "saving herself" till she's married. That could get painful! BICURIOUS QUOTE OF THE WEEK "I'm kinda saving myself for Miley Cyrus." — Katy Perry, straight singer/songwriter of "I Kissed a Girl," who clearly liked Hannah Montana's scandalous Vanity Fair photo shoot YOU'RE SO GAY, YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS SONG IS ABOUT YOU Time.com published a story by out music writer Caryn Brooks this week titled "What Makes a Gay Song?" The piece, along with a podcast, touches on the current True Colors Tour as well as other queer artists such as the Indigo Girls: The Indigo Girls themselves are two gay ladies. But their songs rarely touch on gay topics. The Indigo Girls are not known for explicit anthems or same-gendered love songs. Yet so much about an Indigo Girls show is very gay. Agreed, but what do the artists think? Tegan Quin comments in the podcast that she doesn't think Tegan and Sara make gay music, and that she herself listens to queer artists like Tender Forever and The Blow, but also spun System of a Down when she was going through a harsh breakup. Despite Tegan's claims that her songs are without queerness, a True Colors concert attendee says otherwise: My favorite gay song, no question is "Living Room" by Tegan and Sara. Because when I was a really major closet case, and was like a little bit obsessive of various really random girls in my life, I sort of imagined if I lived across from them, looking at them through their ... bathroom and living room. I'm thinking this doesn't qualify as "gay" so much as "stalkerish." Perhaps this fan also enjoys "Come to My Window." —

ILENE CHAIKEN HEARS YOU, SHE'S JUST NOT LISTENING In an intervi...

ILENE CHAIKEN HEARS YOU, SHE'S JUST NOT LISTENING In an interview with the U.K.'s Digital Spy this week, Ilene Chaiken cleared up some rumors regarding The L Word and its sixth and final season. She said that Paris Hilton will not be making a guest star appearance, leaving us all unfazed and uninterested (or were we already?). Chaiken confirmed "that all of [the] major characters are returning": "We're deeply and obligingly in their lives — but we'll see a lot of highs and lows for each of them." And while she does know how she wants the show to end, she has yet to write the final scene, so there's still a chance your opinions could be heard. She also noted that while she doesn't seem to do anything productive with it she pays attention to viewer response: In the beginning I said — and was given a very hard time for saying — "I don't listen, I write what I want to write." But another way the world has changed since I started doing the show is that the internet has become a big part of our lives. Anybody who writes a TV show would be a fool not to interact with her audience. Our audience is particularly passionate and engaging, so I talk to them and I listen to them. I can't always do what they want to do, but there's an effect of hearing their voices and then deciding what stories to tell. So who was the one posting on the internet how Dana was better off six feet under? Anyone want to 'fess up? I think we'll chalk that one up to Chaiken. THE HARDEST WORKING BANDS IN LESBIAN SHOW BUSINESS We queer women must be a demanding audience. Tegan and Sara have announced the last leg of their never-ending tour in support of their 2007 album, The Con. The twins will be touring the U.S. yet again, this time paired with Texan trio Girl in a Coma, who have also been touring non-stop for their 2007 album, Both Before I'm Gone. Tegan and Sara Girl in a Coma The T&S/GIAC tour kicks off at the end of September, but both bands will (of course) be playing shows all over North America throughout the summer. Someone give these ladies a day off! And perhaps a soothing massage. Any volunteers? —

A RUSH OF SUGAR TO THE HEAD Here! TV announced this week tha...

A RUSH OF SUGAR TO THE HEAD Here! TV announced this week that it has acquired the rights to broadcast the acclaimed British series Sugar Rush on its all-gay, all-the-time premium cable network. With a lineup that consists mostly of the man-meat platters Dante's Cove and The Lair — both of which feature more than their share of wood (which is also one way to describe the acting) — the addition of Sugar Rush to here! TV's programming schedule will give it a much-needed lesbian boost, starting this fall with Season 1. As many of you know, the first season of Sugar Rush introduced 15-year-old lamb on wry Kim (Olivia Hallinan) to outrageous and outrageously hot Maria Sweet, aka Sugar (Lenora Crichlow). Before you could say "sexual awakening," Kim dove head-first into the sweet, deep abyss otherwise known as lesbian obsession, and became immersed in a new world of sex, drugs and tandem bathing with underwater footsie, all thanks to the object of her desire. Sugar is what my mother very erroneously called a "bad influence." Sugar Rush won the 2006 International Emmy Award for Best Children & Young People program, which sort of blows my American mind. While Kim showed the world other interesting uses for an electric toothbrush, in the U.S., Spencer and Ashley spent most of their time playing with each other's hair. Which one is the "misspent youth" again? Season 2 will also air on here!, giving audiences the opportunity to meet Saint (Sarah-Jane Potts). While Sugar languished in the big house, having been arrested for being awesome and kicking ass, Saint and Kim realize their chemistry is undeniable. Later, Kim cheats on Saint with a "psycho bitch" named Anna. What here! press releases call a "highly-compelling character-driven series," we call juicy lesbian drama. Sex, stealing, drugs, violence, prison and lesbian infidelity. It's unbelievable Sugar Rush was never renewed for a third season. Until fall, here's a clip of Kim and Saint, so you can see what's in store for here! audiences. **You can not trust everything you read on the internets, which is what this clueless American did while researching this post. The kissy-face image shown is not Kim and Saint, it's Kim and Montana. And Kim was with Anna before Saint came along. Thanks to everyone who caught those inexcusable errors. I'm still learning about this show, but one thing is becoming clear to me; Kim gets around. I like her already. The only girl named Montana I've heard of is Hannah. And the only Saint I know is the wacky-weed on Dante's Cove, which is what I've clearly been smoking. I need to be watching this show! — by Dara Nai

WAIT, WASN'T THERE ALREADY A MOVIE CALLED THREESOME? The first ...

WAIT, WASN'T THERE ALREADY A MOVIE CALLED THREESOME? The first poster and a new trailer for Woody Allen's upcoming film Vicky Cristina Barcelona have been released. Now, I don't know if you're picking up on the one-sheet's subtle imagery, but I think what it's trying to say is, uh, "threesome!" Yes, threesome. As in these three people are going to have sex. As in, men (and assorted lesbians), ignore Javier Bardem and focus on the fact that Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz are going to have sex. Heck, they even cropped Penelope to look kind of like Angelina Jolie. And we all know that Angie likes the ladies. Nudge nudge, wink wink. The new trailer, unlike the earlier teaser trailer, actually features words. And, who'd a thunk it, a lot of those words are about sex. Who is having it, who is not having it, who is perpetrating violence because of it — you get the picture. Oh, Woody, must you be so literal about living up to your name? DUMB QUOTE OF THE WEEK ABOUT LESBIANS "Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men." — Usher, in an interview with Vibe magazine I WANT MY 5 MINUTES AND 30 SECONDS BACK Out actor Saffron Burrows appears in the third season premiere of the Wainy Days, a web comedy series by David Wain. The short, called "Nan and Lucy," follows Wain's fictitious self as he juggles a date with two women on one night, one of them played by Saffron. OK, I get it. Ha ha, isn't it funny that this schlubby guy has dates with two beautiful women on the same night. And yes, I know it's meant to be ironic. But this is from a guy who is hailed by some as a comedy genius. He wrote and directed Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten. And his series Wainy Days took home a Webby this year. Wait a sec — nope, I don't get it. I think I've just lost all patience with comedies where the dorky dude lands the hottie girl. Or perhaps I'm just jealous he gets to be that close to Saffron. —

THE OPPOSITE OF A SHOTGUN WEDDING File this item under the cate...

THE OPPOSITE OF A SHOTGUN WEDDING File this item under the category of "Finally!" Lesbian activists and partners of 55 years Del Martin, 87, and Phyllis Lyon, 83, were the first lesbian couple to be married in San Francisco on Monday, June 16 at 5:01 p.m., just one month after the California Supreme Court ruled that gays and lesbians have the right to get married. San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom did the honors, which was only fitting since he was the one who defied state law and ordered marriage licenses be issued to gay and lesbian couples back in February 2004. The state later voided those licenses, including the one issued at that time to Martin and Lyon. At the time, Lyon said, "Del is 83 years old and I am 79. After being together for more than 50 years, it is a terrible blow to have the rights and protections of marriage taken away from us. At our age, we do not have the luxury of time." Martin (left) and Lyon cut their wedding cake on June 16 Luckily, they didn't have to wait too much longer. Their most recent ceremony was held this Monday. After the couple exchanged vows and rings in Newsom's office at City Hall, Newsom told them: "You've always been destined to enjoy this blessed and extraordinary day. ... It is my extraordinary honor to pronounce you spouses for life." After the ceremony, Newsom said: "No couple exemplifies what marriage is all about more than these two extraordinary people. ... The institution of marriage has been strengthened." Left to right: Martin, Newsom and Lyon at San Francisco City Hall Martin and Lyon formed the first national lesbian organization, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955, then one year later published the first nationally distributed lesbian magazine, The Ladder. In her here column Back in the Day, Malinda Lo wrote about The Ladder: "Until it ceased publication in 1972, The Ladder was the preeminent source of information for lesbians across the U.S., teaching them how to dress to avoid police arrest, encouraging them to accept themselves, and providing a positive message to counter the overwhelmingly negative coverage in the mainstream heterosexual media." In the first issue of the magazine (October 1956), Lyon wrote, "It is to be hoped that our venture will encourage women to take an ever-increasing part in the steadily-growing fight for understanding of the homophile minority." Lyon and Martin edited the publication until 1963. I like to think of The Ladder as the grandmother of here, and women always aspire to take after our grandmothers, right? Malinda wrote, "Early issues of The Ladder published personal essays, fiction, editorials, reports of research on homosexuality, lists of books and publications about homosexuality, and letters to the editor. It avoided publishing anything that was sexual in content, advocated a relatively conservative tone — advising women to conform to heterosexual fashion norms, for example — and soon began to publish news about lesbians and the homophile movement." In keeping with our lineage, here has published book reviews (read books by Ariel Schrag!) and personal essays (Angela Robinson says we don't need The Man to make lesbian movies!), and given fashion advice (Tank tops? Yes! Ties worn over T-shirts? No!). (We do write about things that are "sexual in content," but Sarah never lets me write about Lindsay Lohan. If I had known the ban was a way of honoring my journalistic grandmothers and not just a despotic display of power by the Editor in Chief, I wouldn't have defied her!) Here's a clip from The Daily Show in which host and friend-of-the-gays Jon Stewart celebrates Lyon and Martin and gay marriage in general while skewering all the homophobes who have a problem with it: The Daily Show: "The Gay After " Maybe Jon Stewart would see The Ladder as the grandmother of his rebellious Daily Show, too. If that's the case, I hope they give him the lint-covered butterscotch candies from the bottom of their collective purse. —

NOTE TO GAYS GETTING HITCHED: REGISTER AT SEARS, PLEASE Obvio...

NOTE TO GAYS GETTING HITCHED: REGISTER AT SEARS, PLEASE Obviously, the biggest gay news this week was the legalization of same-sex marriage in California, but unlike the so-called "Winter of Love" in San Francisco in 2004, this time there was no frenzied rush to the altar — or at least that's what the mainstream news media is saying. From the New York Times to the San Jose Mercury News, news outlets have been reporting that the gay marriages are historic, yes, but exceedingly calm and even staid. Everyone, it seems, is on a mission to prove that gays getting married is totally, completely ordinary. Kate Kendall, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, explained: "There's a time to party, there's a time for celebration, there's a time for flamboyance. And then there's getting married." Kate, I love your work, but did you really have to make marriage sound like a funeral? The Los Angeles Times claimed that LGBT rights groups cautioned gay couples that "sometimes less is more, especially when it comes to cross-dressing." Damn! You mean no drag queens will be getting hitched? All of this serious-minded marriage material is part of a concerted effort to block an anti-gay marriage amendment from passing this fall in California. So if that's the case, I'm all for presenting gay weddings as totally, mind-numbingly boring. Wendy Averill (left) and Marilee France get married on June 17 in West Hollywood, Calif. I'm really, really bored now. Journalist Helen Zia (right) and activist Lia Shigemura kiss after being married on June 17 in San Francisco I think I might pass out from boredom. How about you? Tori (left) and Kate Kendall (not the Kate Kendall mentioned above) and their 5-month-old daughter, Zadie, in West Hollywood on June 17 —

A LESBIAN AND A COMEDIAN WALK INTO A BAR AN AA MEETING ... O...

A LESBIAN AND A COMEDIAN WALK INTO A BAR AN AA MEETING ... Out actor Jane Lynch (The L Word, Best in Show) has been cast in the ABC comedy pilot Never Better. Based on the BBC series of the same name, the American version stars Damon Wayans as a recovering alcoholic "who's trying to do right by his family" (according to ABC); Lynch plays his "no-nonsense" AA sponsor, and Nicole Ari Parker (Soul Food, Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love) plays his wife. Very little else has been released about the show, which is in consideration for a mid-season slot on ABC, so I can't tell you much about Lynch's character, Linda, but I can tell you that the BBC series (which aired earlier this year in the U.K.) didn't do so well. It already looks like it's going to have a much different feel in the U.S., though, since it now has an African-American family at its center and a wise-cracking Christopher Guest vet on board. And you know what they say: a Wayans brother + Jane Lynch + jokes about alocholics = bizarro land comedy gold. Right? Anybody? THE SUBURBS I GREW UP IN WERE NEVER THIS FUN There may not be any lesbian/bi characters on TV right now, but there are plenty of swingers ... who I guess are technically bisexual, right? Well, you can judge for yourself on CBS' new summer series Swingtown, which follows the shenanigans in a ritzy Chicago suburb in 1976 (complete with mustaches, polyester, and music by David Bowie). Last week's premiere episode already included a ménage à trois, one orgy and a foursome (not to mention cocaine and quaaludes) — which has led to protests from the conservative American Family Association and the Parents Television Council. (Duh.) Left to right: Lana Parilla, Jack Davenport, Molly Parker, Grant Show If the show sounds way too racy to be on CBS (the network of stodgy police procedurals), the actuality is a lot tamer. It was originally pitched to HBO, but the series was reworked for broadcast standards, and though it's obvious the folks involved are having some adventurous sexual experiences, little of it is shown. The series begins when Susan and Bruce Miller (Molly Parker and Jack Davenport) move a few blocks to a more upscale neighborhood, where they quickly discover that their neighbors, Tom and Trina Decker (Grant Show and Lana Parilla), really like to share. Meeting Tom and Trina makes Susan's worldview open up, and the two wives are at the heart of the spouse swapping. Though no purely lesbionic action has happened yet, the first episode made it clear (to me, anyway) that Trina has an eye for the ladies as much as the gentlemen. Left to right: Parker, Parilla, Miriam Shor Upcoming episodes tackle the rift between Susan and her former neighbor and best friend, Janet (Miriam Shor), who is so scandalized by the swinging that she retreats to furiously scrubbing her kitchen. I think she doth protest too much, if you know what I mean. No word yet on whether any of the characters on the show will encounter 1970s lesbian-feminism. I know my fingers are crossed! —

LIKE A STAKE THROUGH THE HEART Buffy the Vampire Slayer became...

LIKE A STAKE THROUGH THE HEART Buffy the Vampire Slayer became Buffy the Lesbian-Relationship Processor in the latest edition of the Buffy Season 8 comic book series, released last week. After it was revealed in the 12th issue that Buffy and fellow slayer Satsu had slept together, three issues later their one-night stand finally gets the lesbian processing it deserves. But first, how about a little naughty talk with our vampire dusting? In the finale of the "Wolves at the Gate" story arc, Buffy and her band of slayers travel to Tokyo to fight a clan of shape-shifting vampires. After winning the battle — and a funny exchange between Willow and Buffy about how it's a good thing they never slept together because neither are on each other's "lists" — Buffy and Satsu finally sit down to talk. What follows is, well, who hasn't had that conversation? (Hat tip, Daria Morgendorffer, who is definitely not standing on my neck!) "I can be less … enticing in a lesbian sense" should be put on T-shirts. And, then, because Joss Whedon loves his lesbian fans, he gives us a little gift in the form of this panel. May I have "Things That Make Me Happy" for ,000, please, Alex. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS WINNING IN THE KITCHEN Lesbian Top Chef contestant Lisa Fernandes fell short of winning the title in the fourth season finale this week. The New York chef made it to the final three and the season finale, but it was Chicago chef and fan favorite Stephanie Izard who prevailed to become the series' first-ever female Top Chef winner. In the finale of the hit Bravo reality series, the remaining three chefs had to cook "the meal of a lifetime" for a distinguished panel of chefs and the judges. Lisa's Thai and Vietnamese-inspired dishes were widely praised by the diners. Still it was Stephanie's simple yet surprising combinations that won the judges over. Read the final Top Chef recap on Monday and look for an interview with Lisa next week on here. —

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME Out actress and St...

SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU'RE TO BLAME Out actress and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip alumna Sarah Paulson has nabbed the female lead in an ABC remake of the short-lived 1998 comedy series Cupid, according to the Hollywood Reporter. Paulson will play Dr. Claire Allen, a renowned love and romance therapist, who treats an articulate, charming mental patient claiming to be Cupid, the Roman god of erotic love and beauty. Other possible patients for Dr. Claire might include a girl who thinks she's Juno, the Roman god of teen pregnancy, and young gay man who believes he's Hermes, the god of fabulous, to-die-for scarves. Or not. Bobby Cannavale, who played Eric McCormack's cop boyfriend on Will & Grace, will play Cupid, aka Trevor, the manic yenta who believes he must orchestrate 100 perfect unions for the relationship-challenged to earn his way back into Zeus' good graces and return to Mount Olympus. Is Trevor the real Roman deal or just some nut with a court-ordered shrink? Paulson/Claire doesn't believe him, natch, but signs him out of the hospital anyway. Hilarity ensues. Hopefully. Is Sarah Paulson funny? She's always struck me as more Wendy Wasserstein than Wendy Malick. Being the long-time partner of respected Tony Award-winning thea-tah actor Cherry Jones doesn't help dispel my impression of Sarah as a serious thesbian. I mean thespian. When I think about Sarah and Cherry as a couple, I always end up picturing them at home, surrounded by old Playbills, deconstructing Tennessee Williams. She does do a good dolphin impression, though. Maybe Paulson's turn as a mental health professional and Cannavale's cuckoo-pants matchmaker will turn out to be comedy gold. If not, we'll always have Dolphin Girl. IN OTHER PAULSON NEWS In December 2008, Sarah will be involved in a love triangle with smokin' Eva Mendes (Hitch) and Gabriel Macht (Because I Said So) in the upcoming feature film The Spirit. Sarah plays yet another doctor: Dr. Ellen Dolan, the daughter of a big-city police commissioner. Based on a 1940s noirish newspaper comic, The Spirit features Dick Tracy-esque characters with names like The Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson), his femme fatale sidekick Silken Floss (Scarlett Johansson), Sand Saref (Mendes), and Plaster of Paris (Paz Vega). The Spirit, Sand Saref and Dr. Dolan. Hmm. Why the heck can't Sarah's character have a fun name? If Mendes is Sand Saref, maybe Paulson's character can be Garamond Bold. On the other hand, if the good doctor is a brittle bookworm, perhaps Arial Narrow. Never mind. — by Dara Nai

A JOAN OF ONE'S OWN Joan Jett has become the first female music...

A JOAN OF ONE'S OWN Joan Jett has become the first female musician to have a Gibson guitar named in her honor. (What took so long?) The Joan Jett Signature Melody Maker is handcrafted to the same specs as Jett's original guitar that was manufactured in the 1960s. Gibson Guitar CEO Henry Juszkiewicz noted: "Joan Jett is a true icon of rock and roll. Since the beginning she has been a groundbreaking artist and a trailblazer for women in the genre." From the Runaways to her solo career and her own record label, Joan certainly is a (lesbian) icon and a trailblazer. If you've ever wanted to get your hands on her, the next best thing is a guitar that she helped to design. "For those of you performing live, you may understand the value of being able to shave off those split seconds between playing and interacting with the audience, especially if you use your hands to communicate," Jett said of the Melody Maker. I think we can all appreciate her communication and handiwork. Does the guitar come with an in-person tutorial? ANOTHER LESBIAN WHO HAPPENS TO BELONG TO A GROUP CALLED THE RUNAWAYS (NOT RELATED TO ABOVE) Yet another comic book is being turned into a film, but this time, it's one worth talking about. Marvel Comics has announced that Runaways is being treated for film. The comics are about a group of teenage girls (and a few boys) in L.A. whose parents are villains, so they band together to destroy the evil their parents have unleashed upon the world. The best part? The character of Karolina Dean is a lesbian, at least in the comics. In Volume 2, she came out by kissing her friend Nico, who wasn't interested. Heartbroken, she accepts a marriage proposal from Xavin, a male alien who turns himself into a female for Karolina. (Who knew aliens could be so romantic?) Since the film is still in its early stages, there's no word on whether Karolina will be as queer as she is in the comics. We could be of help in the casting department, though. Is Ellen Page available or is she still trying to get that lesbian vampire movie off the ground? COMING OUT WILL YOU GIVE YOU A CAREER BOOST, LINDSAY LOHAN ABC News has picked up on a "trend" (read: slow news day) of Hollywood stars "coming out" as bisexual and how it might actually help their careers. However, this trend only seems to help females, in their opinion, citing (of course) Angelina Jolie as a starlet whose highly publicized relationship with Jenny Shimizu in the '90s happened before she started getting bigger roles. Reuters also had a similar report this week, writing that Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi and Rosie O'Donnell have had no negatives in their careers since coming out. They seem to have skipped some obvious examples (Ellen's failed sitcom and Rosie's haircut fiasco come to mind), but it looks like everyone's wearing rose-tinted glasses right now. One thing these articles did have in common: They point out that Lindsay Lohan's career really can't be any worse at this point. Couldn't have they have just printed ads reading "Lindsay Lohan: Your Coming-Out Story Here"? Even reputable publications like the New York Times felt the need to tackle the "trend" (including a piece on it in their Style section with a huge photo of Lohan and her suspected girlfriend Samantha Ronson). I love when it's in fashion to be into other women — I'm always well-dressed. —

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